I thought of Christian and a pang of emotions flooded my eyes. It was the desire for something that can’t be fulfilled, a yearning. Like the desire for a man I am not likely to meet or children not yet to be born.
I knew it was my wound. I knew it was fed by two thousand years of yearning to a city, a temple that was long gone. I knew this desire sustained a nation otherwise spread to the winds. Dispersed and forgotten like so many other ancient nations. I knew, combined with strict religion, gave substance, endurance which kept my ancestors alive.
But I don’t believe in religion and have long forgotten any claim to any piece of land. I have no desire in rebuilding past glory nor faith in revival of souls on salvation day.
But the feeling stayed the yearning deep in the soul of unattainable dream to that which is so close and yet denied.
Like Moses watching the holy land, yet not allowed to enter. The golden dome of the mosque towering above the Wailing Wall is a constant reminder that the third temple and salvation day cannot happen without an avalanche of dire ramifications.
And that is not my fight and not my yearning, yet the feeling stayed. Like the line of a prayer heard and said over and over again “If I forget Jerusalem I forget my right hand”. It even sounds heroic. And I don’t pray much. Yet the feeling stayed.
I was born into the euphoria of uniting a divided city, with songs of love and praise. Like love songs to a mate or praises to god. Two thousand years of yearning poured with love. And yet the feeling stayed. So close and still denied the gold dome of a mosque towers over the Wailing Wall where the temple used to be.
So close and still denied I was born into a city united, with a bleak heart, conflicted past and questionable future.
It is not my life, it is not my yearning and still the feeling stays. Just the unfulfilled yearning to something so close and yet denied. I know it is part of my wound.
And I am ready to let it go.
With Love and Magic,
Leor
“I thought it was honourable to die for Jerusalem now I am willing to die to the thought.”
